When a straight guy is giving oral sex, he doesn’t care what the other guy looks like. Women’s sexuality is more relational, whereas men’s sexuality is more about objectification. It’s the search for a father, the search for masculine connection. If the man is straight, the main goal is helping both parties understand why he’s been doing this.
About a third of these mixed-orientation marriages end in divorce right away.In another third the couple stays together for two years and then divorces.Last but not least, a lot of guys are into anal stimulation and they’re afraid their wives won’t do it, or they’re too embarrassed to ask, or they’ve asked and their wives have said no. It’s not gay or straight, it’s just your anus.” In other words, they’re doing this because to them it feels good. Do the men in these relationships usually want to stay together? Usually when the man understands this he can then stop the behavior, even though the desire doesn’t go away.So they go find a guy who will take care of that for them. Then I tell them that a lot of gay men don’t do anal at all, either giving or receiving. And when the woman understands this she can start to connect with him on that level, supporting him and bonding with him instead of obsessing about what he’s done.The women feel differently, of course, but the men only see that once their behavior is uncovered and they’re confronted.
That said, I do see a lot of couples where the woman says she’s OK with the man continuing his behavior, as long as it’s only with other men.However, more and more of these couples are deciding to stay together, mostly after the age of 60. Sometimes with bisexual men there’s a period of time when it becomes very important for him to express his same-sex attraction.That might last for two months or two years, and then it may recede, but this typically causes all kinds of problems in the marriage.Either they’re worried that their man will eventually decide he’s gay and end the relationship, or they want monogamy, and his cheating is a threat to the marriage regardless of who he’s doing it with.And I should point out here that the men, when they’re engaging in this behavior – regardless of whether they’re gay, straight or bi – nearly always tell themselves that what they’re doing is not cheating because they’re doing it with a guy.And in the final third, half stay together long-term and half still end in divorce.